Go back home, Excalibur!
by Turbotail88
Summary: Ever wonder what would happen if Sasuke and Naruto both met Excalibur? The result is something... disturbingly close to Death the Kid and Black Star. Rated T for Naruto's potty mouth, suggestive themes Sasuke's terrible french  JK  and incoming violence.


The holy sword, Excalibur!

Timeline: (Naruto) During Time skip

(Soul Eater) After Male-Liz throws Excalibur (sword mode) out of the Book of Eibon in the Chapter of Pride

Naruto: Age- 15

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN NARUTO! ANYTHING THAT SCREAMS NARUTO BELONGS TO MASASHI KISHIMOTO! EXCALIBUR AND ANYTHING RELATED TO SOUL EATER BELONGS TO ATSUSHI OKUBO!**

**I APOLOGIZE FOR SPOILERS BUT I JUST **_**HAD **_**TO WRITE THIS AFTER READING SOUL EATER!**

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><p><em>That 'boy' had just thrown me out of the Book of Eibon when a portal interfered with my journey. It had popped out of nowhere. I estimate it was because of my extreme prowess, but, I will never find out…<em>

XxXxX

'_This… feels.. somewhat strange.'_

A white, short, cartoon-ish anthropomorphic creature with a long white snout was floating in a strange void. He had a white cane, a white jacket and a very thin and very long white top hat and round eyes with equally big, round black pupils. He was also _not_ wearing any pants whatsoever…

He was in a shining blue void and it seemed endless.

"Aha! I, Excalibur, will make this my new home!" he exclaimed, pointing his cane upwards.

"I will find a new meister to wield me and to attend my five-hour reading session!"

He twirled his cane around in front of him.

Suddenly, a bright, white light shone and blinded Excalibur.

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><p><em>Somewhere, around the world…<em>

"AHH! That Pervy Sage! Can't believe he left me here to go peep on those girls!" a tall, blond boy exclaimed.

"Just 'cause we're close t'Konoha doesn't mean he can go peeping all the time! Believe it!" he yelled in aggravation. He waved his arms around furiously. He suddenly stopped and crossed his arms stubbornly.

"I'm Naruto Uzumaki! I don't need that perv to train me!" he suddenly declared.

Naruto was currently sitting on a log near a campfire. He and Jiraiya had set up camp in the woods and were just a few days' travel away from Konoha. He stood up and dusted his black and orange jumpsuit. He put his hands on his hips and squinted his blue eyes in thought.

'_Now, where would that Pervy Sage be… hmm..' _he rubbed his chin in thought.

He started pacing back and forth. He looked up and spotted a very distinct amount of steam rising. That must mean _something…_ He snapped his fingers as an idea came to him…

"Sweet! I bet there's a hot spring where I can relax over there!" He set up ten clones to watch over the camp and ran toward the rising steam. When he reached the designated area, he saw Jiraiya squatting and peeping through a bush while giggling perversely. Naruto grinned slyly, like a fox, and cupped his hands to his mouth.

"PERRRRRVY SAAAAAGE!" he yelled.

Jiraiya's eyes widened and he moved frantically to get away from the flying stones, boulders, branches and tree stumps. He grabbed Naruto and ducked behind a large boulder where he wiped the blood from his nose. He shook the spiky blond's shoulders.

"What are you trying to do, boy? Get me killed?" he demanded. The blond stepped away from his master and crossed his arms stubbornly as he sat down Indian-style.

"It's not fair, Pervy Sage! We need to move and finish my training or I'll never get stronger to get Sasuke back!" he yelled in frustration. He thought about his lifetime promise to Sakura and swore to get Sasuke back not only for her, but for team seven as well.

Jiraiya sighed in aggravation but perked up as an idea came to him. "You know, Naruto, sometimes my 'research' _is _actually research on ways to get you stronger. Not that admiring lovely girls _isn't _research but-"

"Yeah, yeah I get it. Get to the point already!" Naruto interrupted.

Jiraiya narrowed his eyes at the interruption but sighed softly, shaking his head. "Well, you see, while I was at the library in the town not far from here examining the beautiful librarian's err… _collection_… I came across a book. The librarian was so nice she let me have it for s-er… a _price_… yeah, a price," he muttered the last part lecherously and drooled slightly as he remembered the_ 'price'_.

"So, so! What's the book about? Can I see?" Naruto yelled excitedly.

"Well, it's about a holy sword that can grant you powers beyond your imagination. I'd say enough to bring Sasuke back AND blow Orochimaru to smithereens," he explained as he brought the book out of a parcel he had set down near the boulder.

Naruto's eyes sparkled and he stood up. He began vibrating in his place as his hyper energy took control of him. "COOL! I'm gonna find that sword, believe it!"

"Wait, there's something you should know first," Jiraiya started.

"Huh? What is it?"

"Well, according to this book it seems the sword is actually a small creature that can transform into the sword."

"So what you're saying is that it's not really a sword but something that can transform into one?"

Jiraiya nodded. "Exactly! So look for not only a sword, but for a…" he checked the book for reference, "a magical white creature with the look of a God."

"COOL! I'm definitely gonna find that sword, believe it!" he exclaimed, punching the air.

Jiraiya shook his head. "Wait, there's something else."

"Geez, Pervy Sage, hurry up!"

"Well, they say only a hero has-"

"I _AM _A HERO! BELIEVE IT!"

"-the ability to wield the sword and carry it, despite its major… chakra?… length. Interesting… it says you have to match your chakra to the sword's to wield it…" Jiraiya continued, as if not disturbed by Naruto's interruption. **(A/N- For Soul Eater fans, Jiraiya misinterpreted 'soul wavelength' to 'chakra wavelength' since he thought the author meant chakra.)**

"Hey, lemme see that book!" Naruto snatched the book from Jiraiya and squinted his eyes at the cover.

**(A/N- Black****ê****Star moment…)**

"Ee… ex… ex… ca… exca-lee-ber-"

"Excalibur," Jiraiya corrected.

"Yeah that…" Naruto flipped the pages to find pictures and saw one of King Arthur holding the holy sword Excalibur. King Arthur was on his horse and was charging after an army with the holy sword granting him the power of wings and the ability to defeat his foes by his self.

"Hey Pervy Sage, who's that?" Naruto pointed at King Arthur as a vein throbbed on Jiraiya's head. Jiraiya sighed and looked at the picture.

"I'm not sure… It might be from a very distant past… ANYWAY! Why don't you go look for the sword? I heard it's somewhere around here. You have two days to find it, alright?" Jiraiya rubbed his hands together in anticipation.

"YEAH! I'LL FIND THAT SWORD, BELIEVE IT!" Naruto ran into the forest with the book in his hands.

"I can't believe that worked…" Jiraiya muttered.

"IT WORKED! IT WORRRRKED!"

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><p><em>Somewhere, in the underground part of Konoha…<em>

A pale-skinned, snake-like man with shoulder-length jet black hair was resting in his bed. He was sitting up with a white robe around his body and the blankets covering his waist down.

A gray-haired young man with a purple ninja outfit and a headband with a musical symbol on it was standing next to the snake man with a syringe in his hand. His glasses gleamed and sparkled in curiosity as he injected the medicine into his master's arm.

"Lord Orochimaru, I have injected the antidote into your body. This one will only last for four weeks, at most," the gray-haired man informed.

"Excellent work, Kabuto. You have proven to be quite the useful medic lately. I applaud you for your skills," the snake man, known as Orochimaru, complimented.

"Why, thank you, my Lord. However, it is only with your help I have been able to develop my skills this far…" the gray-haired man, known as Kabuto, insisted.

"You are far too modest, Kabuto. Although your claims are true…" Orochimaru grunted as he stretched his arms over his head and rubbed the area where the cotton ball was taped against his arm.

Kabuto stood silently; watching his master relax. He took the needle and threw it into a disposable biohazard thrash can. He pushed his glasses up and asked Orochimaru if he needed anything.

"Yes, actually. I would like you to bring dear Sasuke to me. There is something I need my soon-to-be container to do for me…" Orochimaru chuckled menacingly.

Kabuto nodded. "But of course, Lord Orochimaru. I will bring him to you right away."

As Kabuto left Orochimaru's room, he could hear his master cackling sinisterly then breaking into a severe coughing fit. Kabuto pushed his glasses up as they gleamed and a mischievous smile slowly crept onto his face…

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><p>Sounds of fire burning and crackling could be heard in the forest. The young man responsible removed his hand from his lips and smirked. His fire technique was now stronger than before. The young man's eyes became their regular onyx black as he closed his eyes. He adjusted his clothing; consisting of a white haori with an Uchiha fan on the back, purple trousers under an odd purple skirt with a large bow wrapped around his middle. He walked slowly to the nearby river and put a handful of water to his lips; the liquid dribbling down his chin as he drank. He sighed in relief and shot straight up as he felt a presence nearby.<p>

The woods around here were just above one of Orochimaru's various bases in the Fire Country and were not frequented by many. But the possibility of travelers wandering never lowered. Orochimaru had thought of this as a nice opportunity for test subjects and had actually welcomed these rare interruptions. Sasuke was just annoyed since every time a traveler passed by, Orochimaru would delay his training to study his newest toy.

Sasuke was about to strike the intruder when he noticed it was only Kabuto. He removed his hand from the hilt of the sword strapped to his lower back sideways and faced Kabuto with one hand on his hip. He narrowed his eyes at the older man. What did Kabuto want?

"Do you need anything?" Sasuke coldly inquired.

Kabuto chuckled before pushing his glasses up. "My, my Sasuke… Not even a simple hello? How rude…"

"I said, do you need anything?" Sasuke repeated with an extra layer of frigidness.

Kabuto coughed into his fist before shaking his head. "It seems Lord Orochimaru has done well to stroke that beloved ego of yours. You're as pompous and cold as the freakish Hyuuga clan…" He was cut short as Sasuke sliced the would-be body of Kabuto. Sasuke's eyes narrowed as the mud splattered to the ground.

Clenching his sword, he turned around to see Kabuto drinking from the river. Kabuto turned around and clapped slowly. "Such a short temper… I suppose that's one thing you have in common with that beloved team you betrayed…" He was cut short once more when Sasuke advanced and moved to slice him. Kabuto ducked then rolled backwards and leapt across the river. He pushed his glasses up in irritation as he noticed a few gray specks floating to the ground. _'A little slower and I would've been decapitated…'_

"I suggest you tell me what it is you seek before I show you my true power," Sasuke threatened as black comma-like marks appeared on his skin.

Kabuto sighed regretfully then raised his hands in defeat. He smirked lightly as he lowered his head. _'Seems Sasuke dear is far too confident with his power. This overconfidence could lead to recklessness I would _kill _to see…' _He raised his head to look at Sasuke and relaxed his posture when he noticed Sasuke had sheathed his sword.

"Lord Orochimaru would like to speak with you," Kabuto explained.

Sasuke raised en eyebrow. "What does he want?"

"You'll have to ask him, I'm afraid."

"Whatever.." Sasuke leapt and disappeared into the forest with remarkable speed.

Kabuto released a breath he never knew he was holding. Sasuke was getting too strong way too fast. At this rate…

Kabuto shook his head solemnly. He looked at the scorching fire waiting to be put out and gave an aggravated sigh.

Seriously.. Couldn't Sasuke take responsibility for his forest fires?

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><p>As Sasuke walked down the endless corridors of Orochimaru's hideout, he couldn't help but ponder about the reason Orochimaru wanted him. His emotionless face betrayed the anticipation he felt on the inside. Maybe a new technique? Forbidden? Personal? As he slid the snake sannin's door to the side, without knocking, he heard a voice that would've chilled the spines of many. Sasuke, already used to this, could've cared less if Orochimaru called to him in a seductive voice.<p>

"Oh, Sasuke dear, over here. You should've knocked however… It's a good thing I can sense your chakra from very far else you would've caught me in a _very _traumatizing position…" the sannin hissed.

Sasuke grunted. "Hn."

"Always with the 'hn', eh Sasuke? No matter… I have more pressing matters to attend to. You see, according to a very… _knowledgeable_… source, I have located that old, idiotic team mate of mine with the blond brat," Orochimaru was sitting crossed legged at the foot of his bed and was observing Sasuke who stood at the doorway. **(A/N- I want you to give me a guess as to who that source is…)**

"What does this have to do with me? I could care less what Naruto does," Sasuke replied emotionlessly.

"Ah, but you see…. That isn't all there is to it. You see, my source tells me Jiraiya has checked out a book under the name of 'Excalibur'. You may not know this but, 'Excalibur' is, according to ancient myths and legends, the name of the great holy sword… Not as great as my Kusanagi, of course, but still," Orochimaru continued, boasting at the end. Orochimaru was dead wrong, however…

"And..?" Sasuke, bored as ever, said.

"And… that blond brat is said to be searching for the sword. I may not have paid attention to this before but my scouts have reported seeing a mystical light flash somewhere a day's travel from here. I would like for you to seek the sword and bring it to me," Orochimaru requested.

"How would this benefit me?" Sasuke inquired.

"Well, you see, once I finish my experimentations on the sword, you may keep it to examine the power within. I've heard those who wield the sword are given the title of 'hero'… such nonsense…" the last part was whispered as Orochimaru didn't believe in heroes but Sasuke wasn't listening.

_Hero…_

"Hero…" Sasuke whispered. Orochimaru smirked victoriously.

He could become the hero of his clan were he to obtain that sword. He would avenge his clan with the ultimate power of the holy sword Excalibur. Itachi would kneel before the divine and holy power. Righteous justice would be served and Sasuke would become a true, holy and powerful swordsman. His revenge would be satisfied with the purest form…

"Sasuke." Orochimaru's voice snapped him from his thoughts.

"Hn?"

"Are you going to take this mission?"

"…Hn."

"I see.. I'll see that your preparations are made. You will leave in a few hours. I suggest you gather information by then since my scouts do not exactly recall where they had seen the light," Orochimaru hissed. It was obvious Orochimaru could tell between a 'positive hn', a 'questioning hn' and a 'negative hn'.

Sasuke left to the nearest bar he could find and Orochimaru couldn't help but smirk mischievously.

"You can come out now…" he whispered as an unidentifiable figure appeared from behind a closet…

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><p>Naruto was sitting on a log in the forest and was reading the book when he felt a disturbance in his chakra. <em>'Damn Pervy Sage.. Popped my clones back at the camp. Ah well, I still have some time left…'<em>

He opened the book once more and continued to read, just barely however. The book was written in English and, Naruto only knowing how to read Japanese, had to try very hard to understand this 'messed up' (as Naruto put it) language. He squinted his blue eyes at the word 'cave'.

"Excalibur… eez… like-aly to free-kent… cavees… the hell?" **(A/N- "Excalibur is likely to frequent caves."**

Naruto opened his mouth to continue reading but stopped when he heard rustling and voices. He looked through a bush and gasped when he saw three Sound shinobi conversing lightly with each other.

"…can't believe Lord Orochimaru would make us search for that light!" one of them exclaimed.

Naruto's eyes widened. _'Orochimaru… Sasuke…!'_

"Yeah, I mean, what if those other guys were high or something?" the second one suggested.

"No, no! What they saw was real. That mystical light or whatever is real 'cause all those villagers back in Higuchi Village said so," the third one reassured.

Their voices became distant as they walked further away and Naruto grinned mischievously.

"I'm gonna find that sword before them, believe it!"

**(A/N- Just a little note here… Twelve-year old Naruto would've jumped from his hiding spot and would've demanded where Sasuke was. But fifteen-year old Naruto is a bit wiser and knows to stick to the mission and avoid unnecessary conflicts.)**

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><p><em>Higuchi Village…<em>

Naruto put his hand on his forehead in a way that his palm was parallel to the ground. He squinted his electric blue eyes and pursed his lips as he concentrated on the scene before him. He stood under the plain wooden gate of Higuchi Village and put his hands on his hips. _'Hmm… Looks pretty normal t'me!' _Naruto thought. He saw five women varying between the ages of sixteen to twenty-two sitting around a round table at the front of a tea shop gossiping like there was no tomorrow. He nodded once and moved to the small group of ladies.

"Hey!" he waved at them, "can I ask you guys something?" Three women were offended he had called them 'guys' while two girls, probably aged around sixteen to seventeen, were giggling madly while blushing. Naruto approached the group of girls and grabbed a chair from another table. He plopped down on it and leaned back as the group looked at him curiously. He leaned forward and looked around to make sure no one was listening in.

"I heard you guys saw a flash of light?" he whispered loud enough for them to hear.

The girls' eyes widened with collective gasps and the only two teenagers nodded their heads vigorously. He nodded his head sagely.

"I need to know where you guys saw the light… Err… _do _you guys know?" Naruto embarrassingly said, scratching the back of his head nervously.

One of the girls giggled. Naruto looked at her.

"Do you know?" he repeated.

The young teenage girl nodded; her big brown eyes sparkling in curiosity. "Yes," she responded in a surprisingly mature voice, "it was somewhere around a cave by the name of _Shimetta Dokutsu_."

Naruto nodded his head and opened his mouth.

"I'll show you where it is!" the other teenager, sporting short black hair, piped up.

The other four girls looked at her curiously while she ducked her head and blushed innocently. Naruto stood up and clapped his hands together.

"Alright! To Shimetta Dokutsu it is!"

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><p><strong>AN- I'm a bad person… a baaaad person. I leave for one month and **_**this**_** is what I give you? Eheh… Hope you enjoyed it..**

**Sorry for not updating my other stories… I've been really busy lately (and mostly lazy). But, there are no excuses for tardiness. Because of summer break, I can give you guys more to read! Yayz! =)**

**Take your time,**

**Takin' Time**


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